Oh his breath and his teeth are frightful
And his large wine glass is quite full
Wish he had a place to go
Uncle Joe, Uncle Joe, Uncle Joe

He'll be drunk before he gets here
then start to drink all our beer.
I'm hoping that his chunks won't blow.
Uncle Joe, Uncle Joe, Drunken Joe

Now he's telling a dirty story
About twins named Kim and Laurie
This is not what my kids should know
Uncle Joe, Drunken Joe, Drunken Joe

He passes out on the big chair
snot thickened on his nose hair
I'd like to toss him in the snow
Drunken Joe, Drunken Joe, Drunken Joe