It’s a Jerry Springer Christmas.
It's the worst time of the year.
I don't know
which freaks will show,
so better have some beer.

It’s a Jerry Springer Christmas.
Then my wife said this to me.
"Say Hello
to a friend you know
who fathered our baby."

Oh no, punches I’ll throw
in a blind frenzy.
Then I’m wrestled to the floor
and in my pants I pee.

It’s a Jerry Springer Christmas
And this is what you’ll hear
that Santa Claus’
divorce cause
is sleeping with reindeer.